


for the loneliness will stay with me and hold me till i fall asleep

by Zephyroh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform, i succumbed to the dark side, if you told me i'd be writing for reylo a year ago i would have laughed at your face, look at what tlj has done to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 02:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13180281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyroh/pseuds/Zephyroh
Summary: ’Seriously, in the middle of the night?’’. Her tone was clipped and sarcastic, but she had to repress a hint of a smile tugging her lips. The absurdity of the situation almost too much for her nerves.He shifted somewhat awkwardly on his feet, still not turning around. He cleared his throat before replying, ‘’I don’t exactly control it, same as you I presume.’’ She caught the sight of his fingers, crossed behind his back, fidgeting.* * * * * * *A little Force-bound fic.





	for the loneliness will stay with me and hold me till i fall asleep

**Author's Note:**

> not beta'd and english is not my first language so be indulgent please.  
> I'm also dabbling with Rey's and Kylo's characterization so feel free to tell me what you think, i long for constructive criticism!

Rey’s eyes shot open has a familiar unsettling feeling swiped through her. She blinked a few times, adjusting to the low light of the evening as the moon shed its moonlight through a few clouds. She rose up, her back stiffened as she took in the tall, dark silhouette a few feet from her. The indescribable sensation of the Force-bound invaded her; she was starting to get used to it as more and more of their impromptu meetings happened.

He had his back to her. His head tilted up ever so slightly, indicating that he felt her coming to consciousness, yet made no attempt to turn around or start the conversation like he usually did.

‘’Seriously, in the middle of the night?’’. Her tone was clipped and sarcastic, but she had to repress a hint of a smile tugging her lips. The absurdity of the situation almost too much for her nerves.

He shifted somewhat awkwardly on his feet, still not turning around. He cleared his throat before replying, ‘’I don’t exactly control it, same as you I presume.’’ She caught the sight of his fingers, crossed behind his back, fidgeting.

‘’And you’re planning on making me talk to your back until it’s over?’’ She kept her voice neutral, but the situation grew more amusing to her by the second despite her better judgment. It all felt too surreal.

Another throat clearing. He leaned on his left side before muttering so low Rey almost didn’t catch it. ‘’It felt inappropriate. Staring as you slept.’’

A bark of laughter escaped Rey’s throat before she even knew it as happening. That made Kylo finally turn around, looking confused as ever, and as Rey watched him tilt his head, brows furrowed, standing in the moonlight as a teenager about to be grounded, she laughed even harder.

Still silent, he raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘’This whole situation is just too absurd. You’re Kylo Ren, feared monster throughout the galaxy, right hand of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and you’re just… here. In the middle of the night, feeling inappropriate to stand here as I’m sleeping. This is just ridiculous.’’, she eventually said after her laughter had died down, wiping a tear at the corner of her eye.

Kylo’s lips twitched up slightly. He blinked a couple of time, looking less menacing than ever. ‘’I suppose you’re right. I’m not quite sure what to do about it.’’

Silence fell between them as they looked in each other eyes. The wind blew. The Millenium Falcon creaked behind her. The dying fire next to her crackled.

‘’Well I don’t know about you, but I’ll get back to sleep.’’. She readjusted her cover around her shoulders but didn’t make a move to lie back down yet. ‘’Why aren’t you asleep, by the way? What time is it where you are?’’

He looked at his feet, then to his right – to Rey he looked like he was staring at the see. She saw him swallow before answering sharply. ‘’Are you trying to pry information out of me?’’.

Rey rolled her eyes, sighing loudly. ‘’Suit yourself.’’ She turned around, lying back down and pulling the cover around her body. However, she didn’t close her eyes yet, but let her body relax a little bit. She still felt his presence, and even felt his ill at ease-ness, uncertain of how to behave in this situation.

Acutely aware of his every movement, his every breath, his emotions passing fleetly through her, she stayed still. Eventually, she felt him move, and sit. She waited a few seconds before his deep voice broke the silence. A murmured admission.

‘’I don’t sleep very well.’’

For a brief moment, a something flashed before her eyes. A memory. A feeling. Green light. Absolute dread. Then a void.

It lasted only a few seconds before he closed off completely. When she turned back around to face him, he avoided her eyes. He was sitting stiffly, jaw locked, and she wasn’t sure if his anger was directed at her for looking into him, of himself for allowing her to look.

The wind blew harder. The fire cracked loudly, drawing Rey’s attention for a second.

When she looked up, he was gone.

                *******

‘’You’re doing it wrong.’’

Rey closed her eyes at the sound of his voice and took a deep breath. She tightened her grip on the little cavity in the rock, readjusting her weight. A drop of sweat slid down her temple.

‘’Shut up.’’, she barked through her gritted teeth.

She felt his amusement from above her, and she knew if she looked up and saw him standing at the edge of the cliff she was climbing, it would only infuriate her more and she would lose her concentration. She inhaled deeply, trying to relax her tensed body as much as she could and tried to extend herself to the surface of the cliff, scanning it for holes or holds she could exploit.

‘’Suit yourself’’, she heard in a mocking tone. She clenched her jaw even harder. She kept getting distracted by the life on the island, the animals in the sea, and most of all his presence, dominating the rest around him.

‘’Fuck you!’’ Her concentration slipped. Her right foot lost its press hold and suddenly, her leg was dangling in the void. Panic started to rise in her chest. Luke made it seem so easy to climb this eighty feet cliff, and she was starting to regret having the brilliant idea to try and follow him. Her foot brushed the surface of the sharp rock below her, trying to find something to hold on to.

Her heart was racing, and her left arms was beginning to shake. She opened one eyes, peaking a glance below her and started assessing how deep the water could be and if she’s survive the fall if she dropped. What a fucking waste it would be to have come so far just to be defeated by a pile of rock – granted a very tall pile a rock.

Anger replaced panic for a split second as she heard a sniker coming from above. Rey groaned as her foot finally settle on a small rock stable enough to support her weight. ‘’Either say something useful, or stop making any noises!’’, she yelled as she balanced herself against the cold surface.

‘’Stop trying to look for something. You have to let it come to you. Be in harmony with the system rather than trying to use it.’’

Holding back a snarky comment in the line of ‘ _That’s rich coming from you’_ , Rey closed her eyes again, breathing in deep. As Luke showed her once, she reached out for the Force around her, in the living and dying beings. She let her mind wander across the silent island, along the waves, across the sky with the birds, Kylo’s presence, Luke’s far away. Her body relaxed. She exhaled. Out of their own accord, her limbs started to move by themselves, and she didn’t fight it. In the moment, she just knew what she had to do.

She loosened her grip in her left hand and pressed on her right foot, propelling herself a bit higher when her finger found a cavity. Then repeated the movement. Letting go. Push. Grip.

She slowly but steadily climbed across the cliff’s surface until she finally reached the top. Hand flat against the grass, she hoisted herself up in one last effort, gritting her teeth as her arms burned and eventually collapsed on the ground with a painful moan and a relieved sigh.

When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by Kylo’s clean, leathered boots. She quickly got up, not wanting to be in such a vulnerable state in his presence.

He was standing tall, stiff as ever, his perfectly brushed in place, but his usual impassible and cold demeanor was instead replaced by a mocking smirk. ‘’Told you you needed a teacher.’’

She let out an annoyed groaned was she leaned on her knees, taking her breath. A few stray strands of hair fell in front of her eyes, and sweat was dripping from her forehead. ‘’God you’re insufferable.’’, she breathed out.

A small chuckle made her look up as she was not excepting this reaction. ‘’Because you’re always so easy to be around.’’ She glared at him, cursing him under her breath. He obviously caught it as he continued, ‘’I rest my case.’’, and gave her a pointed look.

When her breathing evened, she straighten her back, looking at the large body of water in front of her. The sun was low in the sky, making the ocean shine like a sea of a thousand diamonds, shimmering in a low light.

Part of her almost wanted Kylo to be able to have the same view, for as they stood there, side by side in silence, she felt the same feeling of loneliness during those endless nights on Jakku echoing through him –  the same sense of unsettling yet familiar void in his heart mirroring hers. She knew he felt it too.

But he didn’t close off this time.

                *******

His muscled tensed as pain ran through every fiber of his body when the lightening stroke him. It was swift and small, but hit him right in the scar on his left shoulder – the scar he got during the fight in the forest. The Supreme leader knew that, and meant the strike as a reminder of his weakness.

Kylo lowered his head, locking his jaw and blinking away the tear starting to sting his eyes. Thankfully, he still had his mask on.

‘’You’re dismissed.’’ The voice echoed against the walls, and resonated through his chest. The hologram glitched, then disappear, and darkness filled the room. Only a ray of dim, blue light pierced through it, coming from a small window high above, hitting Kylo’s masked face.

He waited until his breathing was even and his side wasn’t hurting as much to open his eyes and start moving. He stopped dead in his track, freezing on the spot when he caught the sight of Rey’s silhouette in front of him. The light was hitting her from behind, creating a blue halo all around her.

She was staring at him and he almost felt like she could see though his visor. In her eyes was dancing something he never saw before in her. Compassion. Pity. He clenched his teeth even harder has he stood up, dominating her with his height.

Yet she was the one who made the first step, approaching him slowly, and he was the one who felt small and vulnerable in front of her gaze.

‘’GO AWAY’’, he yelled, the mask distorting his voice. She didn’t falter, her brow wrinkling.

In this moment, he knew she saw everything. Felt everything he felt. The shame, the loneliness, the despair, the fear. And he couldn’t handle it.

He thrusted his hand forward, projecting his raw power at her. It didn’t have the effect he expected. She gasped at first, and shrugged it off immediately and he was left feeling as powerless as that day in the interrogation room. When she saw his soul.

‘’I DON’T NEED YOU, GO AWAY’’. His voice cracked. He realized he was trembling, and clenched his fist to try and regain composure.

‘’Then why did you call me here?’’, she simply replied. He couldn’t handle the softness in her voice. He couldn’t face her eyes.

He turned around abruptly. ‘’That’s not how this works.’’, he denied. It was the Force, they both didn’t know what this bound was or how it worked. They couldn’t control it.

‘Isn’t it?’’. Her voice was just a whisper in the darkness, in the numbing silence around him, and he felt like someone had shot him in the heart.

A tear slid down his cheeks, dampening the fabric underneath his mask.

Long after she was gone, and he was still standing still in the room, he swore he could still hear her whisper.

                *******

It took her most of the day to find out what was Luke’s problem. As the day began, she noticed he seemed even more irritable than the usual. Harsher, more closed off, more elusive. She doubled down her effort to get through to him, asking more questions, pressing him over and over. Eventually he cracked and she almost regretted insisting.

She watched as Luke’s silhouette was walking away, cape flying around in the wind, and her heart ached as his haunted, sad eyes were still present in her mind. The weight of the few words he pronounced were still on her mind when she sat on the pile of rock at the top of the mountain.

She crossed her legs, facing the ocean, resting her opened palm on her knees.

Breathe in.

‘It’s his birthday today.’

Breathe out.

Suddenly, she was back on Jakku, on the carcass of the war machine from a forgotten time, half buried in the sand, staring at engraved lines in the metal. A little girl waiting for her parents. A girl with only her loneliness and the humming of the sand hitting against cold metal as company, lighting a piece on rope in a useless piece of metal as a birthday candle, wishing that someone would come for her.

And across the galaxy, she felt the same kind of longing resonating in a mind clouded by darkness.

When she opened her eyes, he was here.

‘’Did you call me, or did I call you?’’, he asked softly.

‘’You tell me.’’

‘’I think… I didn’t want to be alone right now.’’

She merely nodded as he sat beside her. And for a moment, they didn’t feel so lonely.


End file.
